You can't always get what you want.
But if you try some times, you might find you get what you need.
Such is the gospel according to Mick Jagger and his gents, and I'm starting to think it might be true.
Let me tell you a story about this little girl here...
I'm probably about 7 or 8 in that photo, and I was a cutie when I was little, but I didn't realise it.
Not long after this is when I started to be really conscious of my size.
Yeah, really. At that young of an age.
I don't really remember how I became so aware, but I know it must have come from the schoolyard, because it certainly didn't come from my family.
I was always a tall kid, and because of that I was always a little bit 'bigger' than the others, always a bit clunky and awkward.
I remember some kid calling me fat at school once when I was young, and I thought "well, that's just not true. I'm bigger than you, but I'm not fat".
In fact I wasn't fat when I was a kid, in all of the photos I now look at in mum's albums, I have long, skinny, tall limbs.
I was never athletic but I wasn't fat.
But kids are kids and once one kid says it, other start to get wind of it and you start to beleive it yourself.
It wasn't long before I had accepted that I was a fat kid, and while I was at it, I was also an ugly kid, and I hated the way I looked.
I was never really bullied - I was friendly with most of the people in my year level and some of those in years above and below, right through school, it was mostly all my doing, and once I was old enough to get hold of a Dolly Magazine, it only went downhill from there.
Despite having a loving, supportive family who always told me I could do or be anything I wanted to, my head was an absolute breeding ground for self doubt and low self esteem.
Being smart and savvy and fun somehow, in my head, counted for less worth than looking like a supermodel.
I remember saying prayers as a kid and asking God to take care of my family and to please make me skinny and pretty.
I prayed for that night after night after night, even into my teens.
Typing that right now, and actually sharing that with the world brings tears to my eyes.
I wasn't a fat teenager really either.
I wasn't skinny, but I know what I weighed and with what I know now, I was a healthy teenager. If you'd told me that back then, I would have laughed in your face.
I rarely felt good about myself.
I got by on the knowledge that I was smart, and funny and had a great group of friends and I'd be leaving and going to uni as soon as high school was over, and I could be anyone but me in my new life.
When I was 16, an italian exchange student wrote me a note before he went home. It translated to say "You are wonderful just the way you are, don't ever, ever change".
It made me cry. I didn't want to stay this girl forever, didn't he see how ugly she was? I didn't want to be me.
I guess for the next several years I didn't change much, at least my size didn't.
When I got back from my holiday in 2009, I only weighed about 7 kg more than I do now.
The next time that my weight really changed was a little over 2 years ago. My relationship of over 5 years fell apart and I got sick, all within 3 months. I was working in a job I had grown to hate and I felt trapped with no way out.
I was sick and I was sad, so I drank and I ate.
By the time I met Josh I was probably at my biggest, or pretty close to it.
I had learned to like the person I was inside but was still conscious of my looks.
I didn't know what it was that he found attractive about me. I thought he must have issues, since he liked my body and never minded seeing me naked.
Josh is different to the man I saw myself with when I was growing up, we go on dates to video game exhibitions instead of art galleries, and plan trips to Comic Con instead of the ballet, but he looks at me like a goddess and treats me like a princess.
He once told me I was perfect and I didn't know what to say so I changed the subject and walked out of the room. But he honestly beleives it.
He has given me self beleif, something I had NEVER had, my entire life before I met him.
Within months of meeting, we were living together and I had started a new job.
I was happy for the first time in a long time. Many, many years if I'm being completely honest.
Soon after all of that, I joined the gym, and that same day I went into a clothing store.
I tried on my usual size. It didn't fit. I tried on the next size up, I could only JUST get that done up with a lot of muffin top.
This time I was ready for it, I didn't go home and pray, I just went back to the gym the next day, and I jumped on the computer and googled nutrition and learned about calories.
I learned to cook great recipes and make smart choices.
The weight began to fall away. By the time I started 12WBT I was on my way to being the person I had wanted to be.
Last night that little girl, now a fully grown 28 year old woman walked into a store and bought a size XS jumper, and a size 8 skirt and tights.
"You're lucky to be naturally long and lean like you are" the shop girl said, "you can get away with styles like that". And the little girl smiled.
Today while getting dressed, I sat on the side of the bathtub and cried a little bit.
God didn't answered my prayers to be skinny and pretty 20 years ago. I didn't just get what I wanted. It doesn't work like that.
I had to learn the value of getting there, I had to put in the hard work. I had to be able to hold my head high and tell the shop girl "Actually, I lost 20 kilos recently and I've worked breally hard for this size 8" and see the look on her face.
Because the truth really is just as Mick Jagger says, we really don't always get what we want. But I am starting to see that there is SUCH satisfaction when you realise, after trying so hard, that you finally got what you needed all along!