Those of you who have read my blog for some time know I have one main passion.
Music.
So since everyone has started doing their yearly review posts, and since I'm not sure how many more chances I'm going to have to write before 2011 is here (I'll try but it's hectic around here!), I thought I'd put my own spin on it.
2010 was a big year for me. Big is an understatement.
I'm fairly sure when I look back on my life, this will be one of the years that defines me.
I learned more about myself this year than I had in the 25.5 preceeding it.
But there was always a song or a lyric that I could take solace in or relate to, through everything.
I know it's cliche'd but that's why Penny Lane says "And if you ever get lonely, you just go to the record store and visit all your friends" in Almost Famous.
Music reminds you that there is always someone who gets you.
Really gets you.
Always.
Every year I set myself a song.
My theme for the year.
It's a song that I go back to through the year. And you can always tell where I was at emotionally and mentally when January rolled around by the song that I choose.
For 2010, it wasn't an extremely genius or epic song by any means, but it was the right fit:
"Calm down, deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead of running around
And pulling all your threads and breaking yourself up
If it's a broken part, replace it
If it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it
And hold your own, know your name
And go your own way
And everything will be fine.
Everything will be fine."
Jason Mraz - Details in the Fabric.
It turned out to probably be far more apt that I had anticipated.
In 2010, I fought my body. And I won.
"Though I may be relatively young,
I hope in the final moments I hear every song I've ever sung. At once."
Washington - Underground.
You have all read about my kidneys, you have all read about my treatment.
I found this song after I already knew I was healthy and going to be OK.
But when I heard it - niagara falls frankie angel.
(If you get that reference, please comment and tell me! I often fear that my brother and I are the only people in the world who know what we're on about.)
I listened to it probably 40-50 times over the course of three days and it helped to heal me.
Not in the way that all of my treatment healed me, but it helped me deal with what I had just been through.
I hadn't really thought about mortality through everything, it's strange that way.
All I thought about was that I had to get better.
This song made me realise the enormity of it all and made me so grateful for being back on track.
In 2010, I broke up with my best friend.
"After all that we've been through, I know we're cool."
Gwen Stefani - Cool.
I tried to find a lyric for this that wouldnt hurt my cred so much
(do I have cred? I dont know. It just sounded cool in my head.)
Fact is, I could give you 101 other lyrics, but none of them sum it up like this little one does.
Jesper and I were talking on the phone last night - we were discussing a random handful of topics, as we usually do, Wikileaks, Gene Simmons vs Whitlams, mixed game show phrases, catching up for dinner this week, and I realised we still fit. We are still best friends.
Sure, he still frustrates the hell out of me at times, and I know it's vice versa, but I'm not sure we will ever not be part of each others lives.
We probably could have parted ways a couple of years ago, as a few of you know, but we wouldn't have had what we have now, we would have properly parted ways completely and not stayed friends.
I'm proud of what Jesper and I acheived this year.
And I'm proud of reaching 'grown up' status through that.
In 2010, I went through a very low, depressed stage.
"You said I am as constant as a northern star.
And I said, "Constantly in the darkness, where's that at? If you want me I'll be in the bar."
Joni Mitchell - A Case of You.
Most people don't know it, but I guess when you're depressed you become a great actress.
From April until about July, whenever I was alone, I was crying.
Sometimes when I wasn't alone, I was crying.
I was crying in the shower, on the couch, in bed, in the bathroom at work, even once on the train.
I didn't want to be around people, but I didn't want to be alone, and it was only when I got sick that I snapped out of it.
It forced me to prioritise and find perspective, and cope.
This might sound ridiculous to mostly everyone who reads this, but being as sick as I was probably saved me.
I don't want to go into it in too much detail, but that lyric pretty much says it all.
In 2010, I realised my blessings.
"I may not always love you, but as long as there are stars above you...
God only knows what I'd be without you"
Beach Boys - God Only Knows.
You know how people always say that when you are going through the hardest times, it separates your real friends from the rest?
Well this year my friends were separated from no-one.
I had, and continue to have, the most amazing support from everyone around me.
Family, friends, aquanitances, everyone.
I had the right people around at the right time and everyone helped me to make sense of what was going on.
They helped me to get out of bed in the morning, helped me to get rid of the tears, helped me to deal with life and helped me to move the fuck on, which was exactly what I needed sometimes.
Some of you reading this were among that group.
You may know who you are, but you probably don't know how much I appreciate it.
Hell, you might not even know you did anything at all.
But thank you.
In 2010, I did a LOT of soul searching.
"I have to strengthen up my little heart, find my own way, light my torch and sparkle my own spark."
Sally Seltmann - On The Borderline.
I realised I'm not so bad. I'd be friends with me.
I can't even stress how long it's taken to reach that point, somewhere in the vicinity of 26 years, and I can't say I've completely figured it out.
There are still days I avoid looking in the mirror in case I see something I don't like, days I avoid talking to anyone if I can help it in case I say something I'm going to over analyse later on, days when I just decided I'm not cool/pretty/funny/talented/'insert nice adjective here' enough.
But the bulk of them I'm ok with me. I'm a good person and a loving person, and all of the other loving and caring people in my life are testament to that.
That's enough for me right now.
In 2010, I met some sweet people.
""I know what's on your mind, there will be time for that too, if you hang with me."
Robyn - Hang with Me.
I started dating again, and that was a BIG step.
I met Jesper when I was 20, so I've never really been a single adult.
I've been seeing one guy for a little over a month now.
We've still got our training wheels on and I don't know if it will be anything, but he is sweet and even if it's nothing, it has been good for me to step outside of my comfort zone, with my heart planted firmly in my throat, and discover myself in a completely different light.
As for 2011, my song isn't quite locked in yet.
I've got a few in mind, but there are still a few weeks to think about that.
I do feel, however, like it's going to be a happy one, and I've got 2010 to thank for that.
xxoo
Skye
