fit

Mirror Mirror

This last few weeks has been a bit of a struggle for me.
Not physically, just mentally.
The last 10 months has been so much about seeing the numbers going down on the scales, that wrapping my head around the idea of maintenance and not expecting losses is something I'm still getting the hang of.
I've lost a few kilos in the past month or so, but not quite as many as I'd hoped.
I KNOW I'm at goal, I KNOW I'm wearing size 8 jeans, but I had a number in my head that I wanted and I'm still about 2kg away from it, but it seems my body is telling me it's just time to tone and work on my muscles now.
So as a result, I guess I've been feeling a little deflated - I've put so much stock in that number that it has been feeling a little like all of the hard work I'm putting in isn't counting for anything anymore.
Then yesterday I was at the gym and I was doing my dumbell flys when I sat up and caught my reflection...

I actually looked behind me in confusion.
Who the hell is that long, lean, thin, strong girl?!
I did a double take on my own reflection. 

I've spent so much time looking at the number on the scales that I forgot to actually look at and listen to my body.
And what I saw in the gym mirror yesterday (apart from the reflection of others looking at me like I was the epitome of vanity) is that my body is reacting pretty well to my training, it seems to be happy with the direction I'm sending it in, despite not dropping kilos, all of those crunches and squats and lunges (oh god the lunges!) and kettlebell swings ARE paying off.

And let's be honest, that's not to say that I'm not going to throw a bit of a tantrum when I go for my weekly weigh in and I don't see what I want to see, but I'm slowly getting my head around looking for all of the other wins that come with this new lifestyle.
And there are SO many of them!

xxx
SJ 

The Big One

This week I made one of the biggest steps I've made since I started my journey.
I signed up to run a half marathon.
The Melbourne Marathon festival half on October 14th.
As I type this, I am shitting myself nervous, and I expect that trend will continue for the next 85 days, 17 hours, 31 minutes and 22 seconds (but who's counting right?!).


But it's a funny thing.
As I pressed the 'Register and Pay' button, I felt SUCH a sense of calm.
I actually knew in myself that it wasn't just an empty promise ro myself, but something that I CAN and WILL achieve - certainly not the fastest and maybe not without quite a bit of pain, hell maybe not even under my goal time, but I'll get the job done.

About three years ago I told my family I was going to rub a half marathon and they laughed at me - to be honest, they were kind of right to - I had no bloody idea!
 started running laps of the Tan, pretty aimlessly really, I didn't how to train for a half marathon.
Yesterday, I told them I'd registered and they offered to help me fund raise.
They know as well as I do that I can do it now, and that means the world to me.

TO make it even more personal and add more fuel to my fire, I'm doing this for this lady:

My nan.
This photo was taken back in 2009, but since then my nan has developed dementia and has deteriorated pretty quickly. Alzheimers has proven to be an absolute bitch of a disease not only to my family but to the families of so many people I speak to, so I'm running to raise money for Alzheimer's Australia (VIC).
I think it's going to make crossing that finish line all the more emotional for me.
I'm not kidding myself that I won't be in full ugly cry mode when I get there anyway, so I may as well give myself a good reason for it right?

If  you CAN donate, I'd really appreciate it.
I know it seems every man and his dog are doing something for charity these days (which is great, that's just what charity is all about), but if you have even $5 to spare, every little bit counts!
You can donate at:
melbournemarathon2012.gofundraise.com.au/page/SkyeMJ 

I think too that one of the things that excites me about this is that it gives me a new goal.
I've lost all of my weight, I've smashed the goals I set myself last round and I've been working out a bit aimlessly for the past few weeks.
Working out JUST to maintain your weight or JUST because you feel obligated to isn't much fun - I need something to work towards!
And so this is it - definitely something to work toward.
21.1km.

AND better still, it falls almost exactly to the day on the same date that I joined my gym with this crazy fitness notion in my head last year, slow and uncoordinated and completely lacking in confidence!
What better way to celebrate all of the changes I've made, kilo's I've dropped, muscles I've gained, friendships I've formed and confidence I've found?!
 I can't think of one!

xxx
SJ

Turning Old

It dawned on me yesterday that in ten days I'll be turning 28.
I love birthday's - I am, to be quite honest, a bit of a diva when it comes to birthdays, I like to celebrate and have a party, but to be honest with you, when I thought about it yesterday, I had a bit of a moment where I kind of couldn't see straight from blind panic.

When did getting old happen?

Yessss, yes. I know, here comes the storm of "Oh, but you're still a baby!" or "I could be your mother!" or "Wait til you hit 40!" - I've heard it all, and I'm quite aware that there is a large population of people who are older than me.
But 28 was THE age.

You know THE age, we all had one.
THE age that when you were a kid, you had decided you were going to have your dream career by, plus the perfect marriage to a sexy movie star god with abs you could eat off, sweetheart perfect kids from a Pumpkin Patch catalogue, stylishly furnished inner city apartment, classically furnished holiday house in Tuscany and a summer home in the Hamptons, decked out in a stylish seaside theme.
We all had THE age, right?
Mine was 28.

I don't know why it frightened me so much.
Maybe it's because I've had some damn good times in my 20's and I don't want to see them end. I've done some cool shit in my 20's.
Of course, what they don't teach you when you're growing up is this... you don't have to have kids and get married before 30 to be fulfilled.
My most fulfilling moment came when drinking beer in an African restaurant on the banks of the Mekong in Laos.
We all came to the realisation that someone from every continent on earth except Antarctica was present. We had all met in our travels and we were all laughing and connecting in this little group of people who had come from literally all corners of the globe and didn't know each other a week prior, and that was a pure moment of breathlessness for me.
And it was pretty amazing.

But that moment of sheer age related panic was short lived, and here's why... I've always been a bit old - I've been old since I was like 8. People have always commented on my 'old soul' and told me I'm different to most my age.
I guess the main difference I see between me and other people in their 20's can be summed up perfectly (as always) by Liz Lemon:

I just don't get it!
I like going out and I like staying out late, but GOING out late just seems like a waste of a night to me.

Anyway I digress - approaching 28, even with my perpetually old soul, and even with my memories of travel and fun and adventure, I realise that this is the first year that I have actually felt YOUNG in a really, really long time.
I don't feel burdened by a weight - physically, mentally or emotionally. - I just feel young and free.
Sure, I don't have the dream career I set out to have when I was 14, or a husband with washboard abs, or that stylish Hamptons escape BUT I have a job I love for the first time ever, I have a boyfriend who does his best to make every one of my days better and I have, more importantly, found me - and even MORE importantly, found that I really quite LIKE me.
It is the first year that I'm having a birthday happy, healthy and fit.

It's not quite so bad not to have the teenage dream in your twenties, in fact I quite like this little snippet...

That's what my 20's have been and that's what my 20's will continue to be, even more so now that I'm light and strong enough to keep up.
I have the rest of my life to do the other stuff.

I am still so young, and I am finally healthy and free enough to enjoy it!
You still won't find me leaving to go out at 10pm though, no matter how fit I am.

xxx
SJ

A Bit of Excitement

I woke up this morning, checked my email and saw my usual Wednesday 12WBT Weigh in day reminder. By that time it was too late, I'd forgotten and was a few mouthfuls into my protein porridge, so that will have to wait until tomorrow!
Anyway, I digress, in my hazy daze I opened it up and scanned through.
I read it top to bottom and somehow missed that my name was there, before I jumped on over to Facebook and saw this...



Huh?! Did I miss something?!
(also, what an amazingly sweet thing to say! Thanks Brooke!)
Back I went to my email and this time I read it properly, and apparently I did!
There I was in the Top 10 Inspirational Blogs!

I'm a bit honored to be chosen among some of the blogs that I've been reading and finding inspirational myself! To share the love, I've been a bit of a fan of the blogs of Ms Vicki, and two fellow Melbourne girls Kristine and Durbs for a little while now, but what I was most excited to see was the blog from Coco in the top 10. She's a newer blogger but recently I found myself almost in tears reading this lovely post. I think she's going to be such an inspiration to so many!

Anyway, I mostly just wanted to say thank you to those who come here regularly, and an even bigger thanks to those who nominated me and also a BIG HELLO to any new readers!
I hope I can live up to my new title and give you a little inspiration!

Happy Wednesday all, hope it's kind to you!
xxx
SJ

Eyes Wide Open

I had a bit of a revelation today.

I usually get dressed in the cubicle after a shower at the gym.
It's not that I'm prudish - in fact I change from my work to workout clothes in the change rooms every evening without a care, boobs and all. It's more a matter of still having a few hang ups about my body that will probably always stand in the way of letting me be that girl who strolls around the change room buck nekkid after ther shower.
I find comfort in fabric, even if it is only covering the essentials.

After a morning workout however, I am aware of the line for the showers (aware
because I, like many, have had to wait in said line) so this morning I chucked on my undies and cami and wandered out to do my hair and get dressed outside.
And as I was faced with the mirror, I looked up and I saw this...

Alright, lets be honest, maybe not quite that (and certainly not clear plastic porn star heels) but it may as well have been with how impressed I was!
Poking out from the bottom of my cami were two skinny little size 8 legs.
Now that should make sense, given that the last pair of jeans I bought were, in fact, a size 8, but in my head my legs, up until about 7:25 this morning, just haven't been that small.
None of me has!

I did a little twist and turned around slowly around to examine what I was seeing in the mirror. The girls waiting nearby for the showers must have thought I was either thoroughly vain or slightly crazy, but I just couldn't stop looking in disbeleif.
Of course they are still far from perfect, and are yet to be sculpted and toned like those beauties up there, but my legs were, and dare I say it, ARE thin.
In fact when I really looked, I could see that most of me is.

It's taken SUCH a long time for my body to catch up to my head,.
The size on the tags of any new clothing I buy has been ever decreasing, and each time I have celebrated it and been excited to share it with my friends. The scales have been smiling back at me with smaller numbers every week, and every week my 12WBT friends and I have patted each other on the back and congratulated each other on a job well done. Of course, we've deserved to!
But when I looked in the mirror, when I looked at my before and after photos, I haven't seen the big differences, the dropped dress sizes, the 20kg gone.
Not really.

I know logically that the change is there, I've just had my blinders on.
So I'm a bit excited by what I saw this morning, what I finally realised had happened.
I have always felt like by knowing I was getting fitter, I could take on the world, so imagine what I can do now by knowing (actually not just knowing, but truly realising) what it is capable of doing to my body, and as an extension, my mind!

Wise words indeed.
It's time for some world changing!
xxx
SJ

Satisfaction

You can't always get what you want.
But if you try some times, you might find you get what you need.
Such is the gospel according to Mick Jagger and his gents, and I'm starting to think it might be true.

Let me tell you a story about this little girl here... 

I'm probably about 7 or 8 in that photo, and I was a cutie when I was little, but I didn't realise it.
Not long after this is when I started to be really conscious of my size.
Yeah, really. At that young of an age.
I don't really remember how I became so aware, but I know it must have come from the schoolyard, because it certainly didn't come from my family.

I was always a tall kid, and because of that I was always a little bit 'bigger' than the others, always a bit clunky and awkward.
I remember some kid calling me fat at school once when I was young, and I thought "well, that's just not true. I'm bigger than you, but I'm not fat".
In fact I wasn't fat when I was a kid, in all of the photos I now look at in mum's albums, I have long, skinny, tall limbs.
I was never athletic but I wasn't fat.
But kids are kids and once one kid says it, other start to get wind of it and you start to beleive it yourself. 
It wasn't long before I had accepted that I was a fat kid, and while I was at it, I was also an ugly kid, and I hated the way I looked.
I was never really bullied - I was friendly with most of the people in my year level and some of those in years above and below, right through school, it was mostly all my doing, and once I was old enough to get hold of a Dolly Magazine, it only went downhill from there. 

Despite having a loving, supportive family who always told me I could do or be anything I wanted to, my head was an absolute breeding ground for self doubt and low self esteem.
Being smart and savvy and fun somehow, in my head, counted for less worth than looking like a supermodel.

I remember saying prayers as a kid and asking God to take care of my family and to please make me skinny and pretty.
I prayed for that night after night after night, even into my teens.
Typing that right now, and actually sharing that with the world brings tears to my eyes.

I wasn't a fat teenager really either.
I wasn't skinny, but I know what I weighed and with what I know now, I was a healthy teenager. If you'd told me that back then, I would have laughed in your face.
I rarely felt good about myself.
I got by on the knowledge that I was smart, and funny and had a great group of friends and I'd be leaving and going to uni as soon as high school was over, and I could be anyone but me in my new life.

When I was 16, an italian exchange student wrote me a note before he went home. It translated to say "You are wonderful just the way you are, don't ever, ever change".
It made me cry. I didn't want to stay this girl forever, didn't he see how ugly she was? I didn't want to be me.

I guess for the next several years I didn't change much, at least my size didn't.
When I got back from my holiday in 2009, I only weighed about 7 kg more than I do now.
The next time that my weight really changed was a little over 2 years ago. My relationship of over 5 years fell apart and I got sick, all within 3 months. I was working in a job I had grown to hate and I felt trapped with no way out.
I was sick and I was sad, so I drank and I ate.

By the time I met Josh I was probably at my biggest, or pretty close to it.
I had learned to like the person I was inside but was still conscious of my looks.
I didn't know what it was that he found attractive about me. I thought he must have issues, since he liked my body and never minded seeing me naked.
Josh is different to the man I saw myself with when I was growing up, we go on dates to video game exhibitions instead of art galleries, and plan trips to Comic Con instead of the ballet, but he looks at me like a goddess and treats me like a princess.
He once told me I was perfect and I didn't know what to say so I changed the subject and walked out of the room. But he honestly beleives it.
He has given me self beleif, something I had NEVER had, my entire life before I met him.
Within months of meeting, we were living together and I had started a new job.
I was happy for the first time in a long time. Many, many years if I'm being completely honest. 

Soon after all of that, I joined the gym, and that same day I went into a clothing store.
I tried on my usual size. It didn't fit. I tried on the next size up, I could only JUST get that done up with a lot of muffin top.
This time I was ready for it, I didn't go home and pray, I just went back to the gym the next day, and I jumped on the computer and googled nutrition and learned about calories.
I learned to cook great recipes and make smart choices.
The weight began to fall away. By the time I started 12WBT I was on my way to being the person I had wanted to be.

Last night that little girl, now a fully grown 28 year old woman walked into a store and bought a size XS jumper, and a size 8 skirt and tights.
"You're lucky to be naturally long and lean like you are" the shop girl said, "you can get away with styles like that". And the little girl smiled. 

Today while getting dressed, I sat on the side of the bathtub and cried a little bit.
God didn't answered my prayers to be skinny and pretty 20 years ago. I didn't just get what I wanted. It doesn't work like that.
I had to learn the value of getting there, I had to put in the hard work. I had to be able to hold my head high and tell the shop girl "Actually, I lost 20 kilos recently and I've worked breally hard for this size 8" and see the look on her face.

Because the truth really is just as Mick Jagger says, we really don't always get what we want. But I am starting to see that there is SUCH satisfaction when you realise, after trying so hard, that you finally got what you needed all along!

xxx
SJ

The Key

Michelle Bridges says it's consistency, becoming robot minded, JFDI-ing it and pretty much what I like to call 'sucking it up, princess'.
Other's say it's simply about finding your motivation.
But here's my question - how do I get from A to B in the morning?
For a better explanation of what A and B actually are, please refer to Diagram 1.

(Diagram 1)
A refers to Left, B refers to the right.
Actually honestly, B is only vaguely represented here because, lets face it, those weights are kinda small and weak and I can do better than that. Also, I'd probably be drug tested at the gym if I rocked up wore a smile like that throughout my workout. While we're at it, my hair never looks quite as tidy as A's, even after I'm up, so lets just call Diagram 1 a bit of a fallacy, but you get the idea!
Anyway, I digress - my question is to all of you seasoned athletes, how do I get from one to the other when it's 5:30am and -2 degrees outsite?

I thought I had it figured, I was in a routine, I was doing my robot thing (not to be confused with doing the robot), but now that it's winter I am the newly appointed mayor of struggle town.
The entire week my partner has been leaving the house at 6am to go to work and the entire week I have been packing my bag the night before and laying out my gym clothes, having my lunch ready to go and letting my alarm.
And the entire week I've told him "No, you go, I'll go to the gym tonight".

Today I finally bit the bullet, got up and got my butt into gear and left at the same time as him. And after thawing out (honestly, I could barely move by the time I reached the gym), I did my workout, walked to work and burned myself a happy 850 calories.
And I felt bloody good, and I thought to myself 'Yeah! That wasn't so bad, huh?! I'm going to do this again tomorrow!'
But I am extremely aware that tomorrow, the alarm will go off and only the memory of how good I felt after today's workout may not be quite enough to pull me through and get me to the gym when the alternative option is a warm, soft, soft, so soft bed.

I once lured myself out of bed with the promise that I would treat myself to a salmon bagel for breakfast once I was done with my workout and I ended up wanting that bagel so much that I had to get up (yet I still laid in bed for ten minutes trying to remember if there were any bagel shops between home and work that I could go to instead! Alas, there were none!)
So I implore you as the mayor of struggle town, please, share with me what gets YOU up in the morning?!

xxx
SJ

Better Late Than Never

One thing I really try to do every week with 12WBT is the weekly challenges.
They keep me on track in a strange kind of way, like homework I guess, but I've always been a little bit of a nerdy kid wanting to do that extra little bit.
Last week I had a killer work week with meetings and just non stop action really and on top of that I had the flu. I had to go back to my pre-season tasks and revisit my excuses and goals just to keep myself on track with eating and exercise, let alone with weekly surprises, so my inspiration board took a bit of a back seat.
No prize for me unfortunately!
But never fear, I finally got a minute during my lunch break today (no rest for the wicked, right?!) and got it finished...
and voila!



So what is inspiring me in Road 2, 2012?
Well a couple of things actually...
1) Now that I've lost that 20kg that I wanted to lose and I'm 2kg away from my ultimate goal, I'm inspired by becoming strong and strivingt to look for the progress in my body, not on the scales. I'm thinking of how I want my body to look, how I'm going to work to shape it, I'm seeing myself develop guns (nig big ones, little pistols so far, but guns none the less) and it is an awesome feeling! 
2) I'm inspired by running. I haven't done enough of it since the Mothers Day Classic. I was so proud of doing that run and making a distance I didn't think I could make, but winter has set in and I've chosen the warmth of the gym instead of outdoor running - wimped out a little I guess you could say! But all of my friends training for half marathons at the moment (and there seems to be a LOT of them), are so inspiring!
3) Kettlebells - How bloody great are these babies? I love working these into my workouts. I'm on 16kg with my swings now and I love feeling myself get stronger every time I pick one up!
4) You'll notice a lot of food in my inspiration board - one of the biggest inspirations to me, which I mentioned in a post earlier in the week, is finding amazing recipes that are nutritious, clean and healthy - but that people wouldn't know are nutritious, clean and healthy. I love the sneaky glee I get from it, and that inner evil laugh "muahaha" everytime someone unknowingly eats a chocolate muffin that I made with zucchinis!
5) A bit of Mish and Jillian - how could you not be inspired by the bodies these women are rocking? Seriously. Before I joined the Mish bandwagon, I used to think "Geez, these women follow her like some sort of crazy religious cult" - but I totally get it now. She changes people, not only in their bodies, but in their minds, in their lifestyles, they become new - like a born again PERSON who embraces life and all it offers. It's magical.
When it comes to fitness, I'd say I worship at the church of Mish, but much like those Christians who also delve into Buddhism a little, Jillian also lights my fire. I love watching her 'Losing It' show while I'm on the cardio machines on a Saturday morning - I've lost count of the number of times I've had to hold back tears while I've been on the treatmill thanks to Jillian. She speaks to me.

So that's what inspires me! 
Would love ot know what's on your inspiration board - if you've got a link, let me know!
xxx
SJ

The Big Two-Oh!

As of today, my weight loss number is officially 20kg. Twenty WHOLE kilos.

I was sitting on 19.8 for so long there.
I went down half way through one week, then replaced my scales battery and it added 1.2kg back to my weight. I got back down to 19.8 and have been going up and down between the same 200g on some kind of plateau - it has, to be honest, been doing my head in!
Now I know we're only supposed to weigh once a week, but I generally weigh on both Sunday and Wednesday - today though, I just had a gut feeling - and there it was!



I know weight isn't everything, and that my inches and measurements are decreasing every day, but this was a number that I was wanting to see. I was waiting for it, striving for it, picturing it every time I didn't want to go out and run.
And it's finally here!
This was my BIG, major goal the 12th of October last year, the day I joined the gym and weighed myself and started this entire crazy journey. It seemed so unreachable back then, like I would NEVER get there, but here I am!

As a reward, I took myself into work and filled in an annual leave application for my birthday in a month's time.
It falls on a Thursday, so I decided to take Thursday & Friday off to get a massage, maybe get my hair did, have lunch with my boy, buy myself a nice outfit, then on Saturday night, have a big Teppanyaki dinner with a beautiful group of friends, many of whom I met through 12WBT!

It's so exciting and scary to have reached that and to be setting new goals to work towards - completely exhilerating!

The last few days I've been in a bit of a funk, thinking "well, maybe my body just doesn't want to ever get there, maybe I set my goals unrealistically, maybe I'm just not MEANT to weigh less than I do now, at all, full stop, that's it".
This was just the push I needed to get my head straight again.

I know I said yesterday that it's the little wins that make it worthwhile, but those big ones usually feel bloody awesome as well!
xxx
SJ

Spicy Meat-A-Balls

One of my favourite things to have come out of my health and wellbeing journey is a love of nutrition.
I have always loved cooking and baking, I love that it makes people happy to have a really good meal in front of them. I love even more when I know it's something I came up with and that it's nutritious - It's a lot of fun hearing people go on about how full they are and talk about needing to undo their top button when I know I just fed them 350 calories, max.
So this is one of my favourite recipes, I've shared it with many of my 12WBT friends and they have proven time and time again to be both husband and kid friendly - BUT before you take this recipe, as with all others I have given it to, you must put your hand over your heart and solemnly swear to always say 'a spicy meat-a-balls' with a Super Mario/Papa Dolmio italian accent every time you refer to this meal!


300g Lean Beef Mince
1/2 cup Quinoa
1 Carrot, Grated
1 Zucchini, Grated
1 tblsp Tomato Sauce (salt reduced is best)
1 tblsp Soy Sauce (again, salt reduced)
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1/4 teaspoon ground sea salt
1 crushed garlic clove
1 egg
1 400g can whole peeled roma tomatoes
1 level teaspoon chilli flakes/powder

Boil 1/2 cup quinoa in 1 cup water until cooked and water absorbed.

Drain excess moisture from grated zucchini and carrot to ensure mixture won't be too soggy and mix ALL ingredients except tomatoes and chilli in a bowl.

When well combined, form into 12 meatballs (this is the fun part where you get your hands dirty!) and bake for approximately 15 minutes or until golden in 180 degree oven.

In the meantime, combine tomatoes and chilli in a bowl and combine well, mash a little bit as you mix to break down the tomatoes. Pour these over your cooked meatballs and return to the oven for a further 20 minutes.

Perfect with a fettucine, I use about 60 grams of the wholemeal kind.
With 3 meatballs it comes in at around 312 calories per serve.
(serves 4 at 3 meatballs each).

Quinoa is such an awesome ingredient and packed full of all of the good stuff - the best part is that it's high in protein and it's such a good replacement for nasty starchy carbs.
I love to use a little bit of non fat milk to make a quinoa porridge too, with some roasted pear and honey.
As much as I love my oats, it makes a nice change, and is a delicious brekky!

Have you got any yummy recipes that I might like to hear about?
Let me have them!
xxx
SJ